The Socks Conspiracy

There is a general belief that the problem of unpaired socks is the inevitable consequence of physiology (we have two feet) and the second law of thermodynamics.  This, coupled with some more superstitious beliefs about the gremlins that occupy washing machines.

It is all complete nonsense. The problem of unpaired socks is purely cultural and, might I say comrades, fuelled, if not actually created, by the capitalist conspiracy we find ourselves in.

While the loss,  or terminal degradation of an individual sock is indeed the result of the operation of the second law of thermodynamics,  the idea that can have a bigger impact is a cultural artefact.

It is all to do with the pernicious concept of ‘the pair’.  Yes,  it is true,  the majority of us do have a pair of feet.  They are not just two,  they are a pair, each with their own reflected geometry.  But what of the socks?  Are they a pair?  NO,  they are two socks,  quite identical to each other.

That we are indoctrinated with the idea that a sock can have one,  and only one perfect partner whose loss implies a need for a kind of sock suttee is at the root of the problem.  If all of our socks ( or a significant population of our socks) were identical —I’ve got 10 brown ones,  4 black ones and 6 white ones — all these problems evaporate. The loss of one isn’t a big deal,  if nothing else,  its notional ‘pair’ is at least a spare against the eventuality of the loss of another.

What prevents this ideal world of perfect socks? The Man. Let’s say you have your 10 identical brown socks and a few are eaten by the washing machine/tumble drier/dog,  all you need to do is go to a shop and replace them with some more identical socks.  But you can’t can you?  Because they don’t make them in exactly that style and that colour.  And even if they did,  you’d never find the damn things because of the size of the range of socks.

And that’s only one thing.  Let’s suppose you are resigned to the non-reoccurrence of socks in the shops.  You think,  “I will buy eight ‘pairs’ of identical socks”.  But you can’t.  The socks are not sold as individual pairs but in four-packs.  Well that’s easier isn’t it?  We just buy two packs. NO.  Because the 4 pairs of brown socks in the pack are all contrived so that their colours, indistinguishable in the murk of the sock drawer are glaringly different when worn in a public place.  So you don’t have 16 identical interchangeable socks,  but four lots of four difficult-to-pair socks.  If you lose two of these socks,  the chances are that you will have lost two pairs rather than just one pair. Not that I acknowledge the legitimacy of the concept of a pair of socks.

And now I come to think of it,  why shouldn’t we be able to buy just one sock?  If you lost one,  buy one. It’s time throw off our shackles,  who should we trust? Marks or Marx?